I wish there were a way to go back and make this all a dream. I wish this post was me saying that I have scheduled me gender determination ultrasound. I wish, more than anything, I was still pregnant, but I'm not and this isn't just a bad dream.
So in my last post I talked a little about passing clots and bleeding. My doctor's office does not have a typical call schedule for after hours or on weekends. The have it set up that the hospitalist doctors basically take their call. So if you have any emergency or something you are unsure about you have to go to the emergency room or wait until they open the next morning. I don't really like that, but I really love my doctor so I deal with it and honestly if it is an emergency I would be in the ER anyway not waiting on a phone call back from him.
That being said, I knew I would wait until Monday morning to call (they opened at 8am) I didn't have to be at the hospital until 10am. I didn't feel like I needed to go to the ER. So I woke up and called at 8:10am and had to leave a message for a nurse. Within a few minutes the nurse called back to let me know my doctor was in surgery, but they will call me back the second he gets out and lets them know what they need me to do. I expected this and also let them know I would still be getting ready and would have to leave my house by 9:15am to get to the hospital on time and she said she understood and would grab him the second he walked through the door (his office is right across the street from the hospital). So I continued to get ready and by 9:00 she called me back and said he did want me to come to the office and have an ultrasound right then. I told her it would take about 30-45 minutes for me to get there, but I was on my way. She said that was fine and to be careful!
So I grabbed my shoes and told Tyler to get dressed (he was making coffee and getting breakfast) I told him they needed me to come straight to the office now for an ultrasound and we had to hurry because if I still needed the procedure we would have to still get to the hospital too. Of course, Lakelyn was still asleep so I had to get her up and dressed quickly while Tyler finished grabbing his breakfast and her breakfast and drinks (while I had to starve because I was NPO). So by 9:25 we were out the door and headed to the office.
When I got there I guess they were busy because it did take them a little bit to get me back, but at that time I had a good feeling everything was gone and I wasn't going to need to have the d&c. I guess my instincts work well. They called me back and we got set up and she said she would look around first and then explain everything. Which I'm used to by now and I also have an idea of what i'm looking at anyway.
She started with the cervix and then the ovaries. The right ovary actually already had some follicles that you could see were forming. For anyone that doesn't know what that means.. you have eggs that start maturing at the beginning of every cycle (looks like little bubbles these are the follicles) typically within 2-3 weeks you will have one egg that is the winner, the most mature and largest size. That follicle will "rupture" aka "release" that egg and that is ovulation and from there you have about 24ish hours to get pregnant. You're welcome for the lesson. I didn't see any follicles on the left one, but that isn't saying there weren't any. Once we looked at those she looked around the uterus and then said that she did not see where there was anything left and it looked like my body passed everything on its own. I could also see that there wasn't anything there.
I got dressed she had doctor Reeves come in there and he said that it wasn't great news that we had to be going through this, but it was great news that my body did what it needed to do on its own without needing the d&c. He said "we're not going to have anymore of these either" and my response was "good, because two is enough". My first one was at about 5 weeks so that one really was just like a period, nothing ever formed, but it was still very emotional because you don't expect it to ever be you. This one though, wasn't really not expected.
He didn't say anything about us not trying again or anything like that. He just said he wants me back in 4 weeks for blood work to make sure my hormone levels were back down to 0. He also said I would probably bleed on and off for a few weeks like I did after having Lakelyn. I am hoping the bleeding stops soon. I don't know what we will do about trying again. Part of me feels like trying again and part of me is just too scared.
I want to thank everyone for their kind words and stories. Hearing about all of the rainbow babies that come after such tragedy is encouraging.
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